(SATIRE) Gamers Hideout store manager accuses random guy of being a kill stealer

By Melvyn Tan on Mar 20, 2017

A Gamers Hideout store manager has accused a random guy who walked into the store of being a kill stealer.

The guy, who had entered the store with his friends to buy an Xbox One, said they were utterly perplexed by the accusation.

"Less than a minute after we walked in, the store manager suddenly came up to us and pointed his finger at me," he said.

"He then unleashed a greatest hits compilation of insults that you'd find in a toxic in-game chat, which he used to accuse me of stealing a kill from him in a match of League of Legends last night," the guy continued. "When we asked why he accused me of being the kill-stealer, he replied that my face resembled the kill-stealer's summoner icon. I'm not sure if I should feel insulted by that or not."

The store manager later asked one of his staff to take the random guy and his two friends to the police station.

But when he looked around after holding a paper-printed "assist me" emote for five minutes, he discovered that the staff were nowhere in sight.

He took the trio to the police himself, but in the end was unable to convince the police.

"Kill-stealing aside, the officer who dealt with us couldn't believe I played League of Legends instead of Dota 2," the store manager grumbled.

The police officer said: "I've got nothing against League of Legends. I was laughing because I couldn't believe the store manager made his accusation based on an in-game profile picture that looks nothing like the accused."

In the end, the random guy admitted that he was actually a serial kill stealer, but insisted that he was not guilty of kill-stealing from the store manager. 

He said: "I don't play League of Legends, or even Dota 2. I play SMITE."

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Melvyn Tan
About the Author
A secretly eccentric college student who mostly plays shooters on PC, although his gaming interests also extend to sneaking around in sizeable environments and slashing at things. He prefers his turn-based strategy games to involve miniatures and dice, and thinks that NieR: Automata's 2B is waifu material.
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