(SATIRE) Activision confirms DLC for Call of Duty cinematic universe

By Melvyn Tan on Apr 8, 2017

Activision Blizzard Studios has confirmed that its planned Call of Duty cinematic universe will have DLC, just like the video games.

An unnamed spokesperson said that the DLC content is intended to "increase the longevity" of the films "months after their release" as well as to "suck even more money from the audience because we still don't have enough of it", although he later tried to retract that last statement.

The spokesperson said that the DLC release cycle will mirror those of the video games, with each movie receiving four DLC packs - distributed via Netflix - over the course of a year.

"Each DLC pack will contain four additional scenes that expand upon the respective movie's contents," he explained. "There will also be a short parody video featuring gratuitous cameos of A-list actors to round off each awesome and unique pack."

The DLC packs will also feature new locations and weapons not contained in the core film, in addition to continuing the franchise's modern tradition of implementing micro-transactions in the form of supply drops.

"We've no idea yet how the hell to introduce supply drops to film," said the spokesperson. "But to our beloved and passionate fans: don't worry, we'll have it all figured out in time. After all, what's Call of Duty without supply drops?"

He also touched on the studio's desire to do what Marvel did and have "individual universes that interconnect".

"In addition to jumping on the absurd cinematic universe bandwagon due to the prospect of lots and lots of cash, what we want to achieve here is something that we wouldn't dare do with our games... yet.

"We don't want to reveal too much yet, but, don't be surprised if you see our movie versions of Captain Price and Soap fighting against the Nazis from the TV series in addition to wall-running, boost-jumping soldiers from the future. It's going to be so random and ridiculous."

"We might even throw in Infinite Warfare-style space ships in a DLC pack. The creative and money milking possibilities are simply endless.

"On another note, I'm not even sure if we're using the term DLC here properly. But the important thing is that they're not free, and that's what matters."

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Melvyn Tan
About the Author
A secretly eccentric college student who writes occasionally for Gamehubs and mostly plays shooters on PC. His gaming interests also extend to sneaking around in sizeable environments, slashing at things and commanding glorious armies. He prefers his turn-based strategy games to involve miniatures and dice however, and hopes to experience the whole of NieR: Automata soon.
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